To my son, on his birthday

Dear Jack,

Today you are two years old.  They call this next year the "terrible twos" but I don't see how life can get anything but sweeter with you around.  You are your daddy's and my pride and joy.  You fill our house with laughter and it's hard to be around you without breaking into a smile.  Your zest for life is contagious.  You make me want to truly live life as passionately as possible, just to see each experience through your eyes. 

I am constantly amazed at your endless supply of energy.  The way you jump from room to room, run circles in the house, want to spend all morning on the swing, and never act like you're ready to go to bed.  Someday you're going to pour all that energy into something magnificent and important.  I just know it.

Two years ago you caught us off guard with the "start" of your arrival and finally, 23 hours later your surprised everyone in the room again with your size and strength.  You've been keeping me on my toes ever since!  Being your mom has shown me all the areas that desperately need improvement.  I get angry, I lose my patience, I never have enough time to read you all the books you'd like, I sometimes let you watch too many movies, and I take you to Chick-Fil-A.  But being your mom has also given me firsthand experience of unconditional love.  No matter how upset I get and no matter how many times I haven't sat down on the couch with you to read "Moo, Baa, La, La, La" again you always kiss me goodnight, still want me to hold you, and never turn down a hug.  You love me without conditions and I can't imagine life without having you to love.

And there's so much about you to love.  The sparkle in your eyes, the laugh that starts way down in your gut, the way you grab my face for a kiss, the way you think you can still fit in that space between my waist and neck the same way you did 12 months ago.  The unconventional way you play with your toys, your tenacity (no, the Tonka truck will not fit under the chair, but you won't give up on trying until I find something else for you to do), your eagerness to help your parents with a job, the way you quickly love on your little brother when you know you've done something wrong.  You've been blessed with this wonderful ability to reach out to others, I have much to learn from your outgoing personality.  You've helped me make friends in all the new places we've been, and I'm quickly learning it's impossible to be shy and Jack's mom at the same time.

Even in these short two years, God's hand in your life has been evident.  And not just in protecting you from countless possible injuries, although we're thankful for that as well.  But I know he's planting seeds, stirring something in your little heart, of the things to come.  I pray that you'll let God lead you all the days of your life.  That you will fulfill all the plans and purposes He has for you, and that you will use the talents He's given you for the glory of God.

Jack, your name means "gift" and that is exactly what you've been.  The 9 months leading up to and since October 12, 2008 have been a treasure.  I cannot wait to see what your future holds, but for now I'm content to keep you our little boy, our Jumping Jack, our adorable Tank.

I love you, I love you, I love you.
Mama

If Christopher Columbus wore disposable diapers ...

If Christopher Columbus wore disposable diapers,
they would still be here today …

--gDiapers.com

In honor of Columbus Day weekend, and that inspiring quote from the gDiapers website, I thought I'd finally spill the beans on our latest venture - cloth diapering.

I know, I know.  Who would've thought Lady Diaper Deals would go to such great lengths.  But Jude doesn't seem to mind and I rather enjoy getting in touch with my "green" side.  You see, I've been thinking about cloth diapers ever since Jack was a wee little babe.  For a while, it seemed like "everyone was doing it."  All my favorite frugal bloggers and a number of my Facebook friends were dropping terms like "BumGenius" and "FuzziBunz."  It got me curious.  So I did a little research, well a lot of research.  And ended up thoroughly overwhelmed. 

Anyone who has explored cloth diaper blogs, forums or message boards knows what I mean.  The terms, the lingo, the diagrams.  I saw spreadsheets that outlined cost savings over a lifetime.  I saw charts that use star ratings to show which detergents are better for cloth.  I saw bunches and bunches of colorful baby bums.  I found online stores, and stay-at-home-mom made diapers.  I learned the difference between a "wet pail" and a "dry pail."  Someone even did an entire pictorial outline of the anatomy of their cloth diaper changing and laundry system.  And then the "information overload" sign would start flashing in my brain and I'd have to walk away from the computer to try and sort it all out.  I just wanted something simple and straightforward.

And I also saw some hefty price tags.  There's no doubt about it that cloth diapers will save you money in the long run, but it's the inital investment that's a kick to the pants.  And I wasn't too thrilled about shelling out cold, hard cash for something I didn't even know would pan out. 

 

To top it all off, Jon was totally opposed, grossed out, not interested, don't ever mention it again.

 

But of course I still did.  Ever few months I'd bring it up, and every few months he'd shoot me down.  Finally, I put my foot down.  Now, I try to be a fairly submissive wife.  My hubby's smart.  He's the head of the house, and he works pretty hard for our income.  So I'm not about to throw it away on something he wants nothing to do with.  But I was tired of dancing around.  I wanted to know, once and for all, if cloth diapering was something I could do.  So I fed him a delicious dinner, looked into his eyes, and said, "I'm going to buy a cloth diaper.  I'm going to try this out.  I'm going to spend X amount from my own allowance.  And if it doesn't work then I'll sell them on Craigslist for 70-80% of their original value and never bring it up again."

His response:  "Sounds like a pretty expensive beta test."

 

So Jon-like.  His quote has now reached joke-status in our household.  I like to throw it around in casual conversation because, let me tell ya, we've had quite a few pricey beta tests around here ... and they weren't by me!

 

But he was good enough to let me use family funds for my purchase and after an evening of research I settled on gDiapers.  Let me tell you why:  First, I was attracted to their hybrid model.  You can use either cloth or a flushable/biodegradable insert in them.  I've only bought and used cloth, but the idea is appealing.  Second, from my limited knowledge of cloth diaper brands, this seemed to be the way to get the most bang for my buck.  Instead of having to wash the entire diaper after each use, you only have to wash the insert.  The outer diaper can be re-used, unless it's poopy.  At the time, Jude was only pooping once a week.  So instead of 2 diapers = 2 changes, I bought 2 diapers (+ 6 cloth inserts) = 6 changes.  Third, I saw the quote about Christopher Columbus wearing disposable diapers and, even though I'm not the most environmentally conscious person I know, even I was grossed out by 600 year old dirty diapers in the landfill. 

 

I made my purchase from Diapers.com (using a coupon code of course) and was practically giddy with excitement waiting for them to arrive.  In the meantime I read and re-read the entire gDiaper website, taking copious notes on use and care so I would be a pro by the time they arrived.  I didn't have to wait long thanks to free 2-day shipping.  I pulled them out of the box and they were just the cutests little panties I've ever seen.  In order to prep the gCloth (inserts) you have to wash them in hot water 6 times.  I didn't think much of it at first, but 6 washings, followed by 6 dryings, took a very long time.  Jude had fallen asleep long before I was done, so I went to bed eager to great the morning with my new fuzzy-bottomed babe.

 

Now, in all my research, I have never read a blog or article from someone saying, "Hey I gave cloth-diapering a shot and it wasn't for me."  Maybe they're out there, but I haven't seen them.  So I promised myself, whatever the outcome - savings success or frugal flop - I'd write all about it.  The first diaper change went great!  And as to be expected, my one-bowel-movement-a-week baby poo'd in his spankin' new diaper.  And ever since then he's been doing so every other day.  So much for that theory.  The second and third diaper leaked.  So I read through my notes again and figured out I wasn't pulling the legs up high enough.  After that we were home-free.  Well, most of the time.  There's a bit of a learning curve to gDiapering and sometimes I miss the turn.  But I think I've finally got the hang of it.

 

It's been two months now, I've bought one more pair of diapers and 6 more inserts for even less than I paid the first time.  My total investment so far is $82.  I have enough diapers to get through 3 days of diapering (I haven't worked up the courage to do cloth at night yet since my kiddos do 12 hours between changes) before having to do laundry.  Based on my calculations it would take me around 100 days of exclusive use (not including nights) to break even.  But this is based on a sale price of about $.20/per disposable.  I've been getting diapers for as little as $.10/each or even free lately, so it will take me a bit longer to break even.  But still, they will have paid for themselves during Jude's diaper days, and I'll still be able to use them with the next kid.

 

Yes, there is an "ick factor" as one person put it.  You do get a bit more up close and personal with what goes into a diaper.  Especially when you have to take it apart to wash it.  It hasn't been that bad so far, but Jude is also still exclusively breastfed.  I'm sure things will get more interesting after we start solids.  Once you get past the "ickiness" of it all, washing them is really quite easy.  I also made my own cloth wipes and wipe solution this past week, because wipes and dipes kinda go together.  Sure it's a bit more "work" than disposable wipes, but it beats the inconvenience of trying to figure out where to put the messy wipe since you can't just wrap it up in the diaper like usual.

 

I do have one complaint regarding gDiapers, and that is the fact that they are "breathable" which I'm sure is better for baby's bottom but causes the outside of the diaper, and sometimes Jude's pants, to feel damp.  It's not leakage, just moist air. 

And I'm not going to lie, it's definitely a lot easier to pull out a "'sposie" (as they say online) and stick it on a baby's bottom.  Or to pull it off, roll it up and dump it in the bin and be done with it.  I don't care how other people spin it, cloth diapering is defnitely more work.  But I still think it's worth it.  If I didn't I wouldn't have written this long-winded post and instead would have linked you to my Craigslist listing for a pack of hardly-used cloth diapers.  Instead, chalk me up as another one of those moms who gave cloth diapering a try and is now sold for life ... or at least, for the rest of my babymaking days!

gDiapers gCloth Inserts, Medium/Large, 13 to 36 Pounds, 6-Count

Flash of genius

Every morning, after Jude goes down for a nap, Jack does what Babywise calls "roomtime" - up to one hour of time in his playroom alone.  Supposedly independent playtime in one place teaches kids to problem solve and play on their own, without mom's influence.  When he was younger we did "pack 'n play" time, where he would spend time in his playpen with a few toys and books.  But now that he's bigger and we have a fun playroom, he really enjoys his "roomtime" (it might help that I usually include a snack).  And it works out good for me too since it's one hour in the morning (as long as Jude stays asleep) that I can work on my "other job" and make uninterrupted phone calls. 

I do have to stay out of sight though.  If Jack catches a glimpse of me, or even hears the steps creak, he's immediately at the gate saying, "out, out, out."  So I hang out in the office and listen to him play.  Which means I only get to experience half of his creativity - the aural half.  In between phone calls and emails I listen to him ring off the names of everyone in our family - "mama, dada, Jaaaaack, Jewwww", reading one of his gazillion books, talking to his "horey" (horse) or bouncing balls over the gate. 

But every once in a while I catch a glimpse of Jack's genius, a peak into the workings of his little developing mind.  Like the night I was washing dishes while the boys were bonding in the playroom.  Jack ran into the kitchen saying, "Yook, Jew, yook!"  So I peaked around the corner, immediately called for Jon and then grabbed the camera:

And then there was the time he decided to share his popcorn with the farm animals.  Word spreads fast in "Playroomville" and before I knew it all animal caricatures had gathered at the bowl.

But one of my favorite moments was after the popcorn feast, when I noticed the animals were perfectly placed on each colored square.  It's times like this when I really wonder what my child is thinking!

But I didn't have to wonder long.  A few minutes later I heard Jack laughing hysterically and saw just what it was that he was up to:

Oh Jude, your brother has so much to teach you!

A newer England

This weekend was our whirlwind trip to Connecticut to visit fellow Coastie friends Nick, Lindsey, and Rose (and #2 coming in January!!) and to attend Jon's 5 year reunion at the Academy.  We had "a whale of a time" in New England!

Jon can't really take time off since he has class so we spent a total of 36 hours in Connecticut and two very long car rides there and back.  Now, Jack is a road trip veteran.  He's been pulling 8+ hours in his carseat since he was 2 months old.  But this was Jude's first big one, and I'm happy to report he did surprisingly well.  That's one big "phew" for me!  Both boys were great, of course we did have a DVD player.  And I do feel a tad guilty about how much we rely on that for peaceful car rides.  But he also read a few books, played with cars, pointed out every single truck/plane/train we saw, and slept for a bit ... so he wasn't totally fixated on fast-moving-pictures-that-can-overload-his-little-developing-brain.  (Can you tell TV viewing has been a recent topic of conversation among us playground moms?)

So yes, the trip went swimmingly well, despite the fact that it started off with a "bang."  About a mile away from our house I watched a rock fly towards us, heard a pop and both Jon and I gasped when we saw the 3 inch crack in the windshield, directly in front of my seat.  Five minutes later we noticed that it had nearly doubled in length.  Jon assured me that he sees people driving around all the time with cracked windshields and that I wouldn't lose my facial features during the remaining 399 miles of our trip.  Thankfully the window held, and continues to hold, although the crack is now much, much longer.

We arrived before midnight, dropped the kiddies in their pack 'n plays, crawled into bed ... and then were both kept awake by the sound of two little boys snoring in their sleep.  Although it was slightly difficult to fall asleep, I realize just how sweet that sound is, especially to the mama who still wakes up in the night to check on her boys.  Poor Jude probably has some scary dreams of a woman creeping into his room with a flashlight, feeling his hands and nose to make sure he's still warm and shoving her ear in his face just to hear him breathing.  Just dreams though ... not like that happens in real life or anything.

The day's events included a tailgate party on-campus, followed by the football game, after which we all met up at a local Elk's lodge for catered dinner.  It was a long day away from home ... and beds.  But once again things went surprisingly well.  Shock of all shocks, Jack fell asleep in his stroller.  Even more shocking of all schockings he stayed asleep for at least 1 1/2 hours!!  It was the highlight of our day since both Jon and I were dreading taking a napless toddler to dinner.  Of course, Jude was easy.  He slept in the carseat, slept in the Moby, slept in my arms.  Which is why, yet again, I have very few photos to share of our weekend.  But wait, look, it's a picture of me!  Finally, someone has taken a picture of the photographer!

And then there was Jack and Rose.  These two have a love/hate relationship.  One minute they're laughing together, the next fighting over who gets to hold what toy.  One minute they're cozying up with each other in a box lid, sharing a sippy cup of apple juice that the Elk's bartender happened to have on hand (Apparently drinks for kids are free.  I would have never guessed this, since I don't regularly take my children to bars), the next minute Jack's cutting Rose off from complimentary sips.

So yes, it was a fun and exhausting weekend.  Thankfully our hosts aren't night people either.  We like hanging out with Nick and Lindsey because they go to bed early too. :)  We had a drama free drive home, with a pit stop at Uncle Jared's so Jack could stretch his legs ... and give Uncle Jared his first casuality-by-nephew.  The poor guy is struggling enough for apartment decor, and Jack had to go and break the mitt off his bobble-head baseball player.  We also dined on some Chinese and picked up Marmie's spoils from the community yard sale last week.  We made out GOOD this year!  Thank you Marmie (and Poppa) for yet another year's wardrobe for the boys.  Jack's so excited he can't contain himself!

Not even the rain has such small hands

(i do not know what it is about you that closes

and opens;only something in me understands

the voice of your eyes is deeper than all roses)

nobody,not even the rain,has such small hands

 

I used to love e.e.cummings.  Well, not that I don't anymore.  I just haven't read poetry in ages.  And maybe now that I'm older, many years into the biggest romance of my life, rearing two small children, and more concerned with things like sleeping, making healthy, well-rounded meals with a toddler attached to my leg, trying to invent ways to keep spit-up off my floor/furniture/clothes/hair, and wondering what on earth Jack has been consuming that are making these diapers so unbearable ... (deep breath), well maybe this is all why I've suddenly asked myself the question: "Rain, hands?  What does it meeaaannn?"  Well, I don't have an answer, just a lovely title for a blog post.

 
So yes, it rained the other day.  And rained, and rained.  It was the rain we've been waiting for all summer.  And now it is fall. My first thought when I woke up was "Wow, it's dark."  Then the boys got up, we started our day, I started missing England, we couldn't go to the park so instead we made a blanket fort.  You know the story.  But you can only crawl through a blanket fort so many times. I decided to peak out the front door and try to take a few rain snapshots, since I haven't got to try my camera out on puddles yet.  Well of course Jack was right behind me and... the rest is history.

 
What started out as a little playtime on the front porch eventually led to a full-fledged rain dance.  I decided now would be a great time to finally get Jack in those galoshes that Aunt Kate handed-down to us last year.  And of course, I had just read that morning about how at-home moms have the advantage of arranging activities during the day that "foster budding intellects and awaken curiosity" and was feeling a bit convicted that maybe I don't do this enough.

 
And yes he got throughly soaked.  Which wasn't necessarily a bad thing.  He's just getting over a cold so I figure his immunity is the highest it will ever be.  And he really needed a good shower to wash all the yogurt out of his hair.  What I didn't consider was the mud.  Jack's a magnet for mud puddles.  There's one at the end of our driveway that he heads straight for every time we go out to the car.  By the time I set Jude down and run over to grab him, he's already passed through it 5 times.  But today's rain made bigger, badder puddles right in our yard.  And although it took him a few seconds to warm up to the idea of leaving the porch and intentionally getting rained on, you can bet it all took all the coercing and creative lunch ideas I had in me to convince him to come back inside again. 

 
And me, I sat right inside the door.  I thought about running out there and joining him but I do have another child to consider.  So I sat on the stoop, trying to appear like the responsible adult when my neighbor walked out to his car and saw a young child playing in the front yard.  With one eye on my big baby, rain dripping off his hair, watering the flowers and the other eye on my little baby sitting in the swing by the window, soaking it all in, and both hands on the camera, the sound of the shutter going off every other second because you never know when your never-stops-moving kid is going to look up and smile, or do that cute, adorable thing he does and you never want to forget. 

So you just keep snapping away, piling up shots to sort through late at night when the little ones are in bed.  When you aggravate over whether Jack's eyes look better in DSC_0385 or DSC_0387, or maybe you should go with your original choice of DSC_0382.  Or does the picture look better with Jude's hand at his side, or up by his face.  If only I could take DSC_0291's smile and combine it with DSC_0297's hands, and have the same lighting that's in DSC_0289.  *sigh*

And this is important, this way that digital photography has totally revolutionized the way I spend a fraction of my free time.  Because some rainy day 15 years from now, I don't know if my son is going to want to jump in puddles or play video games.  And all I'll have left of his galosh-wearing days are the pictures I took, the ones that I agonized over whether to keep or delete, on the day I sat on my doorstep, remembered e.e. cummings, and tried to look like the responsible mom I hope my neighbors think I am.

Homes-sick

I've been a little homesick lately. But I'm not quite sure for what. I always long for Pennsylvania, but after going-on-5-years of marriage and living elsewhere, I don't miss it quite like I used to. I love going back to visit, but realize we'll probably never put down roots there. And for the first time in many years I'm okay with that.

I definitely miss Virginia Beach. I still have many, many Facebook friends that are there and keep me updated on what I'm missing out on. The move is still fresh, but I'm sure in time I'll come to view that place much the same as Pennsylvania - wonderful memories, lovely to visit, but no longer home. We could end up moving back some day with the Coast Guard, but our life there would never be the same. I've come to realize the best time to live at the beach is when you are newlyweds, young marrieds, or young marrieds with one small child. Anything beyond that presents its challenges! Then again, can't you just see Jack and Jude being total surfer dudes in high school one day? :)

Oddly enough, I've been missing a bit of my undergrad too. I was more than ready to leave that place when the time came, I even overloaded on courses so I could finish up a semester early ... and wound up getting married and moving south before many of my classmates had taken their finals. Living in quintessential suburbia has me really missing the coffee shop, pizza joint, diner, cobblestone streets and quaint shops of my old college town. And I bet the leaves around the lake at the school are just starting to turn. *sigh*

But today is dark and rainy. Jack is watching "Baby Genius" and I'm typing to the tune of a string orchestra, taking a break every few seconds to sip hot tea, with a spot of milk, out of my Blackwell's mug. The mug that survived 4 moves (one overseas) and is still going strong. Bits and pieces of the Jane Austen autobiography I read weeks ago are still resonating in my mind, and I've just finished looking at my friend's pictures of Nottingham on Facebook. Guess what I'm missing today?

England. Good ole England. Who stole a piece of my heart that can only be filled with tea, digestives, good literature, the Oxford Boys' Choir CD and an occasional rainy morning. To soothe my sappy souled self, I decided to re-visit a few of my old haunts via Google Earth.

The street I lived on, which backs up to a toilet manufacturing plant.  Did I mention that the entire back of the building is windows?  And that we did not have curtains in our flat?

The end of our street - Park End, full of random walking paths, vegetable gardens, canal boats and cows.

The Co-op, our grocery store.  Where I fell in love with digestives, and learned that English food generally comes in smaller quantities.

New College, my campus for a semester.  The computer lab where I typed many a paper and blog post was behind one of these windows.

Blackwells.  Purveyor of books.  Donator of favorite tea mug.

I don't know what it is about the Motherland that captivates me so. I love the land, the rain, the fog, the green fields, the streets, the oldness, the richness of culture, the people and their accents, dry wit and understated view of the world. I wish they needed some U.S. Coast Guard officers over there so we could pack up, live in a "flat," enroll the boys in boarding school, buy them khakis and blue blazers, and teach Jack how to play rugby. I pray all the time that God will open a door for us to live in England, just for a little while. Or, if not, give me somewhere new to love, a bit more local. But for now, I try to restrict these dreams to the occasional rainy morning and focus more on the here and now. Which, at the moment, is in the family room, with two little boys ...

... making blanket forts on a rainy Thursday morning.

Do they build blanket forts in England?

Maryland, Meet Virginia

This past weekend we were privileged to host our good friends fromVirginia Beach - Bryan, Janine, Abbie and Nate.  You may remember Janine as one of my former co-workers.  Abbie and Jack are 4.5 months apart and good buds.  And Nate was born about 6 weeks after Jude.  In fact, the last time Janine and I saw each other was when I escaped from the movers and stopped by to see the new baby after she had just got home from the hospital.  Clearly it has been too long since I got to hang out with "the other Janine." 

Cue the "Reunited" soundtrack!

I had big plans to photograph the reunion weekend.  Jack and Abbie's initial greetings, Jude and Nate's playtime...

... the men watching football, the ladies in the kitchen... I think sometimes I forget I only have two hands which, for the most part, were occupied with food - preparing, cooking and of course EATING, breaking apart toddler toy-sharing spats, and cuddling and nursing babies.  If only I could employ a full-time family historian to record all these precious moments as a growing family!

I did get a few shots of our day at Watkins park.  Abbie got to ride a horse,

we found out that our fearless son gets a bit nervous on carousels,

and all 8 of us got to ride together on a "choo-choo" train. 

In addition to discovering that I've inherited my mother and grandmother's knack for overestimating food quantities (we're on day 3 of steak leftovers), ...

 I also appreciated having someone to share a girly movie with.  Between the older kiddos' bedtime and naptime, we were actually able to watch all 4 hours of "North and South."  We took popcorn, homemade milkshakes and babies to the office and got our girly movie fill while the big boys watched football.

It's convenient having friends at the same place in life as you.  We can both attempt to keep our toddlers in church as long as possible, which ends up not being long at all.  We can both end up missing over half the sermon because two little babies decided it was time to eat.  We can ask for the same seating at a restaurant - 2 adults, 1 booster seat and 1 carseat sling.  You have a buddy to hang out in the restroom with while your kids "run off the wiggles" that were making eating lunch somewhat difficult.  You both realize the importance of not allowing the toddlers to fall asleep in the car on the way home.  And because of all the similarities you never run out of conversation.

Both Jon and I feel that God has blessed us beyond what we deserve and we love to share this blessing with others.  Sometimes this house feels huge with just the four of us, and I have to admit, I'm not crazy about all the cleaning that comes with the extra square footage.  But when the rooms are filled with friends and family it feels just right.  When the kids are running around the yard, the babies are playing in the toy room, the men are in the den, the woman are chatting in the kitchen.  When the bedrooms are full to overflowing and we run out of hot water during shower times.  That's when our house is the perfect fit!