I’m still wearing maternity clothes.
But more than that, he’s part of my identity. Both boys are. I think I’m at a tough stage in life. Many of my peers aren’t married yet, and a lot of those who are don’t have one kid, much less two. So I’m at this awkward place where I look like I could be in any number of life-stages. And it doesn’t help that I’m petite and, if one was not looking closely, could pass for a college student.
Which must have been why, while at a stoplight the other day, two boys in the car in the next lane yelled in my general direction. Now maybe they didn’t notice the small children in large car seats, or the diamond on my left ring-finger, or even the SUV I drive that, in my opinion, screams, “I drive this large car just to haul small children and their many accessories!” And part of me just wants to tell them, “You just hit on a MOM, of TWO, who wears MATERNITY shorts, smells like SOUR milk and goes to bed before 10 every night so she can be up at 5am to NURSE her BABY. Cool, huh? Now go pick on someone your own age.” But they just didn’t know.
And that is why I keep my kids close. Now, don’t get me wrong. I love an occasional evening alone just as much as the next mom. But not to re-live the past. I love being a mom and I’m proud of my boys (unless they are throwing a fit in public), and I wouldn’t trade it for any other dream. Not even the living-in-England-while-getting-my-Ph.D. one. So no, I have no desire to be young and single again. Now,I will confess (what are we up to, three now?) I do miss the just-Jon-and-me days. Which is why I really appreciate a chance to have a date night or even a quick trip to the grocery store, just the two of us. And why I’m working hard at convincing my husband to take me on an exotic second honeymoon next year. I mean, I have been known to occasionally begin a sentence with “Someday, when the kids are all out of the house …” But I don’t want to rush things. I want to enjoy the right here, the right now. The little boy sleeping soundly in his crib, completely worn out from tearing apart Daddy’s office, and the little boy lying on the floor next to me working so hard on a smile …
And I aim to enjoy it all regardless of whether or not my hips ever return to normal, I get to sleep in on a Saturday, I get to wear those cool earrings that always get caught in tiny fingers, or my shoulder forever smells like spit-up. My goal is to enjoy motherhood, and all its quirks, and never try to hide it!