Friday, April 9, 2010

The End

My husband is getting nervous. I'm going, going, going all day, trying to get things done because, as I explained to him last night, I may not have tomorrow. And then he gives me "the look", the look that says, "Don't speak such things out loud." Yes, we are really hoping Baby holds out until at least Sunday. But if he is willing to wait 10 days beyond that, well we think that'd be just dandy. And everybody else thinks we're weird.

The truth is, I feel really great! I'm still able to wrestle on the floor with my wild guy, give airplane rides on my shins, crawl under furniture to retrieve toys, and carry two toddlers with sandy, bare feet back from the beach. I've been sleeping fairly well at night, although I'm constantly dreaming about my water breaking, contractions and all those fun things. I'm awake early in the morning, ready to greet my happy guy when he gets up for the day. And I'm still making meals, going to work, doing laundry and cleaning. Haha, just kidding about the cleaning! Please don't drop by my house this week. Cleaning is the one thing I'm suddenly no longer able to keep up with. Jack can litter the entire house in 5 seconds with books, balls and plastic Easter eggs. And there's a nasty layer of yellow pollen on all the furniture. I see the mess, I really WANT to take care of it, and then I sit down for a few seconds and decide I'd rather not get back up for a while.

For the most part, I feel good. Better than I think I should at this point. And for that I am so thankful. I don't know how else I'd keep up with Tank. On the other hand, I have noticed a big change since Easter. Remember how I said everyone's been telling me I look bigger? Well I FEEL bigger. Most of my maternity shirts don't cover my belly anymore, so I have that great underdraft thing going on.

My belly is literally "all baby" at this point. You can't put your hand on it without touching some baby body part. And he is all up in my grill. Squeezing my lungs, crushing my ribs, and pushing down on my hips. I feel like a science experiment. He has most definitely grown! My doctor noticed too. At today's appointment she said she could tell, just by feeling my belly, that the baby had filled out. She was pretty happy with his new chub. And I am too, even if it makes my walk a bit more of a waddle.

Speaking of walks, they've gotten a bit shorter lately. First, I can't get too far without having to go to the bathroom. Second, the way Baby is laying must be causing me to favor my right side because that foot starts to hurt after a few blocks. And finally, I'm afraid if I walk too hard I might put myself into labor, and that's just not the goal right now. But we're keeping them up because Jack and I both need the fresh air (less pollen of course) and it's fun to point out all the neighborhood "gogs."

So here were are today at 39 weeks, 2 days and that, my friends, is a personal record!! My water broke with Jack the night I was 39 weeks, and he was born at 2:30am the next day. I'm feeling strangely accomplished for making it this far. But I have to say, I don't remember "the end" being this stressful before. Not stressful as in Mama's cranky and on edge all the time, but stressful as in the anxiety of just not knowing. I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed and out of control, and I'm just not used to that. But the good news is that Baby is healthy and that for him anytime now, whether or not it is convenient for his parents, is a good time to arrive.

So these are my last thoughts on being pregnant, maybe. I figured I should get them out now in case I don't make it until tomorrow. When my water broke with Jack I had three blog drafts waiting to be edited and posted, after he was born they were kinda out of place. So I'm trying to say everything I want to while I still can.

I'm excited, really excited. I can't wait to go into labor again and give birth. I can't wait to hold my second born for the very first time. To tell him how much I love him, to smell that sweet, sweet scent of a newborn. I'm looking forward to nursing, to taking it easy for a few weeks, to lots of down time. I can't wait to see Jack step it up as a big brother, to watch him love on this baby. To take advantage of his new desire to be a "big helper" to Mommy and Daddy.

But I will certainly miss being pregnant. Feeling those strong kicks, watching my belly move up and down while the Baby practices "breathing." Getting those annoying hiccups. Seeing people look at you and smile because you're carrying a baby. And feeling that sense of honor that I'm doing what is possibly the most important job on earth - growing and preparing a new little life. So yes, I'm one of those girls that loves being pregnant. I know not everyone does, that not everyone has good experiences. I know that I'm super-blessed to have had two great pregnancies. Two baby-carrying experiences that, instead of sucking the life out of me and making me miserable, have only caused me to feel more alive and so, so happy. And I also feel a little bad that not every woman feels like this, which makes me even more appreciative of these last few days I have left. Sometimes I feel whiny, sometimes I get tired of carrying my 33 pound toddler around. Sometimes I don't want to get off the couch all night because I'm afraid my hips are going to split town. But it usually doesn't last long. All it takes is a hug from my son when he rests his head on my belly. Or my husband telling me I'm meant for this, I was made to have babies! Or the doctor saying I look really good, did I get some sun this weekend? "Why yes I did, when I stopped thinking about my aching back and dirty house, and hauled my little guy and all our stuff out to the beach for a spontaneous romp in the sand." Sometimes it just takes a little reminder that yes, it doesn't always feel good, but it is so worth it.

1 comment:

Jennifer said...

great post, and gorgeous shoes!

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